How does it feel when we don t receive love from our mother?

Actually, this is the biggest wound and the deepest pain we can experience as human being.
It is also the longest to heal.
And when I look around me, I see so much of that!

Mothers unable to love their kids, mothers shouting, violent ones, indifferent mothers, and worst, mothers who just decided to ignore their kids and not being here.

And when I look at my past, I see so much of that!
But we all need a mother
All kids deserve a mother
All we need is love. And the fist feeling of love comes from the mother.

Personally, I feel I never had a mother, because she was not able to love me. She fed me, educated me but never gave me love. Since I have been a little girl, I heard so many violent words from her, I thought I was not really deserving love:
“You are ugly, you are stupid, you are useless….”
I don t remember a hug, a cuddle and I guess, after all, I would not accept it!
And I don t blame her! She never received love. She has been completely broken when she was a little girl. Her pain is too high to find a way inside of her. A way to light, a way to love….
She only knows darkness. And this darkness made her so strong but so hard.
So, she did with me what she knows best: be hard.
I can accept it was a way to protect me….
I can accept it has been an amazing tool to survive….
I can accept it served me in a controlling and competitive masculine world to become successful….
But it deserved me to be a mother.
It deserved me to be a life partner.
It deserved me to be a better version of myself.
Because this wound made my heart so hard at a point, it blocked my capacity of empathy, compassion and love.

I have been working my all life around this lack of love.
First, looking for my mother, for years…
I found so many beautiful ones, but mine was still missing.
looking for love through life partners…
I received so much, but it was never enough.
And I can feel when I really started to heal this wound:
I healed when I decided to LOVE MYSELF first.
I AM the KEY!
LOVE IS THE KEY, whatever happened to us, WE CAN CHOOSE TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY!!!!
Sophie Hardy

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